In 2016, a new James Bond movie is supposed to come out. Some information was leaked about it yesterday, so I'm really excited for the new movie! The movie is supposed to start out with James walking out onto the screen, then he pulls out a gun and shoots the viewer! Amazing! This is very original and makes the viewer feel like they're actually in the movie. The screen goes black, and then an epic chase scene ensues, with James chasing the bad guy. Explosions, helicopters, and awesome action stunts go on for the first five minutes. Each stunt making you wonder how the heck James has been able to do this for 62 years.
Ending with the bad guy getting away, a music video involving some song by a female singer made specifically for the movie starts in the background over a video that probably took more time to make then the rest of the entire movie. Fading into the background, a shot of James Bond in some wickedly awesome car comes onto the screen. Looking like a boss, he pulls up to the "secret" M16 base, which every villain in the entire series of movies seems to know about and take advantage of. Walking into the building, this is about the time that you pull out your phone and play candy crush as you wait for something exciting to happen.
Thirty minutes later, Bond has been shipped off to some country that stereo typically is known for either nukes, enemy agents, and people that Bond has supposedly killed before but didn't die. Having gotten his mission, Bond usually makes his way to enemy base #1, killing all of the henchmen and causing the building to explode as he goes after the villain who usually ends up being number two in command. Having had a tough day, Bond goes to bed with a women who he usually finds conveniently on the streets, and who usually ends up to be an enemy agent.
Secretly leaving her, Bond makes his way back to headquarters, getting some freaking awesome gear from Q, his weapons/inventions specialist. Usually this includes an exploding pen, exploding car, and exploding wristwatch. Setting out, Bond goes after the villain who was number two in command, then finds out about the villains boss who is set on some sort of world domination. Sneaking up on the villains, he is betrayed by the first girl, in which he is captured. Being lazy, the villains send him on some stupid death trap with no way of watching Bond, allowing him to escape unharmed while they think he is dead.
Fleeing, Bond usually hooks up with the second girl in the movie, who you conveniently did not see because you were playing candy crush. Luckily for you, this actress is a horrible actor, and soon you are happy that you missed the first thirty minutes with her in it. With the new girl in tow, Bond goes after the villains who usually are putting their evil plan into action. Gaining access to their secret hideout, Bond kills the second in command with in the first thirty seconds. Going further into the secret hideout, Bond goes on to kill the main villain, this time taking a good ten minutes to do something he has done over a thousand times. Meanwhile, the two lead actresses fight. And since one is a bad guy and the other is a horrible actress, you usually are happy if either one is killed.
With all of the bad guys dead, Bond and bad actress destroy or recapture the death weapon, nuke, stolen goods, etc. With nothing left to do but report back to headquarters, the movie ends with Bond wrapping up any loose ends or going to bed with the bad actress.
In conclusion, this is going to be the most original Bond movie ever! It will top all other movies in the series and create a new era of James Bond!
Good work here, Carter. You do a good job of capturing the right tone with this blog to make the repetitive nature of Bond films stand out, Having characters like "Bad Actress" and "The Villain" - not even naming the people - are great ways to poke fun at the interchangeable nature of the characters. The mock enthusiasm is great too.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see the movie!